


You're my star

by Jaemins_smile



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Character Death In Dream, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24028966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaemins_smile/pseuds/Jaemins_smile
Summary: "You told me one day, we would see the stars together."Tears glistened in the moon light as they rolled down his cheeks."Allen, I'm ready to see the stars now."
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	You're my star

**Author's Note:**

> REEREEREEREE okay hehe I think this is one of my best works yet <33

Serenity: the state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

That's how Serim felt now, lying there on top of the company building. The sound of the city below him is music to his ears; the comforting dark of nightfall brings him a feeling of euphoria; the bright, full moon and sparkling stars make him smile wide.

It reminded Serim of him.

"The stars are bright tonight Leni, just how you like it. I hope you can see them from wherever it is you're at right now.” Serim whispered softly, he took a shuddering breath and then continued speaking to himself.

"You know something Allen? You always reminded me of the stars. You’re always so bright and sparkling…you make me smile even on my worst days. I don't know what it is about you but you've always brought me the most pure, unadulterated happiness.

"I wish you were here with me now. I remember you loving nights like these—the slight chill in the air, the city bustling below us, the stars sparkling and the moon shining so brightly.

"You once told me that I reminded you of the night sky, do you remember that Leni?" He smiles sadly through the tears now steadily rolling down his cheeks.

"You said I was the black sky, that there was so much to me, that I was unpredictable and infinite. You said the stars and moon represent my personality, and my constant happiness sparkles through the darkness that is my life. You always told me that one day, I would be the day sky—bright with a blinding sun to accompany it.

"Allen, do you remember when you told me that one day we would see the stars together? I'm ready to go see the stars now."

He stands up from his lying position and walks to the edge of the building, climbing up on the rail, his arms out to keep himself balanced.

"You promised me the day you left me that you'd be there waiting for me. You promised you'd wait for me at the stars." He takes a deep breath and holds it before steadily letting it out. "Leni? If I go to the stars are you going to be there like you said? I hope so."

Serim smiles up at the stars once more, they were twinkling all the way up there. One seemed to shine brighter than the others, Serim knew that was Allen. He was there like he promised, waiting.

"I'm coming back to you Allen, I'm not going to make you wait any longer, okay?"

Finally, Serim turns around and leans backwards, his feet slipping from the rail, rocketing his body downwards. He closed his eyes as he fell.

The wind rushing in his ears was terrifying and deafening, but it also eased the pain and sadness that Serim had felt in his heart for the past two months.

The sound of the city quickly coming closer to his ears made Serim smile despite the fact he was fastly approaching his death.

The wind ripping through his clothes was louder than it was in his ears. It alerted him so much that he had to open his eyes, a full view of the night sky right before his eyes.

The same star from before seemed to be twinkling with such an intensity, it scared Serim. It was almost like it was panicking. Like Allen was panicking.

And then **bam**. It hit Serim like a freight train.

He didn't want to die. He didn't want to go to the stars yet. He wasn't meant to be with Allen just yet.

He still had a life to live, he had friends, a family, a job he's wanted since he was a child. He had his group; he had Cravity. He couldn't leave them. How will they handle the news of their leader killing himself? They wouldn't be able to handle another suicide, not after they lost Allen. He can't do this to them.

_Please stop! I don't want to die anymore! I want to live!_

Serim snaps his eyes open. He was met with the pitch black night sky. The moon was obscured by a big fluffy cloud, the stars were nowhere to be seen except a singular star that twinkled brightly.

Allen.

Tears prick in Serim's eyes. He gets down on his knees and stares up at the star.

"Allen, I'm so sorry I couldn't save you from your pain, I'm so sorry I couldn't help you feel okay. I'm so sorry I couldn't stop you from making that decision that day. Will you ever forgive me?" The tears were now freely falling.

He knew that if Allen were here right now he'd say something like, "Serim, it's not your fault or your responsibility. There was never anything for me to forgive, you couldn't control whether I made that decision or not, only I could. Don’t beat yourself up over it and don't ponder on it anymore, okay? You weren't responsible for my life, I was. And I made the decision to end it. Seri, the only person that can forgive you, is you. Forgive yourself Serim, forgive yourself and move on, for me. Okay? I love you Serim."

Serim sobs loudly and covers his face in his hands.

If only he understood what Allen meant that day; if only he had seen all the signs; if only he listened to his gut feeling, telling him something wasn't right when Allen left the dorm that day.

If only he could've saved Allen.

Serim returns home and is immediately body slammed by his crying members. They were all sobbing loudly.

"Hyung where the hell have you been!?" Wonjin sobbed loudly and clutched his leader tightly.

"Hyung we were so scared, we thought you left us like Allen Hyung." Seongmin cried into his chest.

"I'd never leave you boys, I promised Allen I'd take care of you."

_2 months ago_

The two boys were sitting on the top of the company building, admiring the bright blue sky. It made Serim feel warm inside, the fact that he got to share it with the man he loved made him feel even warmer.

"Hey Serim?" Allen finally broke the silence that had been stretching on for no more than five minutes.

"Hm?"

"When we die, will you come to the stars with me?"

"Where did that come from Leni?" Serim asked confusedly.

"I don't know, I was just thinking, where do we go when we die? Can we choose? If we can, I want to go to the stars, the stars make me happy. I want to be happy all the time up there. When I die, I'll wait for you at the stars, okay?" Allen turned to Serim and hugged him tight, burying his face in Serim's shoulder to hide the tears.

"Allen, you aren't going to die anytime soon, don't say things like that."

————

All the boys were back at the dorm, and Serim was in the kitchen preparing dinner for his ravenous, teenage members.

Allen hesitantly stepped into the kitchen. "Hey Serim, I'm going to go out for some air, okay? I might be a while."

"Okay Leni, be safe okay?" Serim pecked the slightly younger man on the cheek and smiled brightly at him.

Allen was gone within seconds. In the same amount of time, Serim's phone went off twice, alerting him that he got a text.

From : Allen <3

Serim, take care of the boys for me okay? And tell them that I love them.

From : Allen <3

I love you too Seri

Three hours later, their manager showed up at the dorm and broke the news. He sat them all down and began telling them what happened.

"We've just been informed that an hour ago, a young couple spotted Allen climbing over the rail of the Han River bridge. Before they could react he had jumped off. He broke his neck when his body connected with the water, the paramedics say he didn't feel any pain when he died."

The room was silent.

Then, Woobin let out a choked sob and covered his mouth as he kept sobbing.

Jungmo stood from the couch and bolted from the bathroom, they could hear him emptying his stomach in the toilet.

"He's...gone? Leni Hyung is gone?" Taeyoung asked softly.

"Yes Taeyoung, he's gone."

Serim couldn't believe his ears. Allen couldn't be gone. Not now. There was still so much Allen hadn't done, he didn't get to do the things he always wanted.

Serim never got to confess to Allen, never got to tell him how much he loved him.

He wasn't gone, Serim refused to believe it.

_Present day_

"Don't worry Allen, I'm going to take good care of the boys from now on. They'll be okay, I promise." He kisses all of his boys on the crown of their heads and hugs them tightly while they kept crying softly.

"It's okay guys, I'm never going to leave you. You don't have to worry about that, because I made a promise, and I'll be damned if I don't keep it."

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this is one of the best works I've put out so far since this one came straight from my heart.  
> I used to be a very depressed suicidal person but personally I'm a very happy and optimistic person and I'm doing really good in life right now.  
> I know that life can be hard sometimes and it's even harder to reach out to someone when you're not doing great but if any of you are ever feeling depressed or suicidal or anything like that, please remember that I'm always here for you if you want to talk about anything at all even if it's the smallest of things. I'm on Twitter @/yutasveins <3
> 
> Shout-out to my beta reader!!! Ly bby, thanks for beta reading!! (Go check out their works too @ loudaesthetic <3 )


End file.
